I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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