Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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