Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
