Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
