loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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