the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
