those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
