Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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