My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
farters have to be the big spoon...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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