i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
