do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
