If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
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