God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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