I accidentally burped into my bong.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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