I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
