I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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