Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
