so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
