just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
