how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
