So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
