Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
