Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
