at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
