It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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