she was so not down for the gang bang
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
