he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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