I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's shark week go big or go home
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
