can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
