I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
