My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you inspire me to be a worse person
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
