peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
me + whiskey = a bad person
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
