The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
