I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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