Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I need a beard to bite.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
