this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
