so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
