once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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