where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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