If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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