Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
