I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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