So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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