omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
