we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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