You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
