When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
