i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
