He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
