you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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