You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
