I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
